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If I asked you to list and rank order the 5 events that cause you the most stress and then to tell me how you relieve stress what would you say? I know what I would say. My wife and friends and I have just returned from a holiday in south-east Alaska. In Juneau, Alaska’s tiny capital, there is a cable car that goes from the center of the town up to the top of Mt Roberts. My wife loves these experiences - I detest them. I didn’t realize I had acrophobia - extreme fear of heights - until I was driving up to a small village in India called Nainital. This pretty little British hill station lies at 6000 feet in the Himalayas. The trip nearly paralysed me. The experience also humbled me as I learned what it is like to have screamingly high levels of stress, anxiety and fear.

Different experiences trigger different levels of stress for people. Some people get a rush out of extreme sports while others are terrified at the thought of doing such dangerous things. For me, it is heights like to think of a way of reducing the stress. My best stress relief strategy is to make sure that I don’t engage in these experiences.

What makes you stressed and worried? Spiders, snakes, people, tests, and public speaking are very common stressors. Look at what I’m going to say and work out which ones are problems for you. What is it that makes you feel terrified and stressed? Sometimes it’s people, sometimes it’s places sometimes it’s insects or spiders. Examine the list below to see which ones cause you great distress.

You need to work your way through this minefield of potential work stressors to find the best way for you to relieve stress. You might be asked to do jobs for which you were not trained, or to do work beneath your standard, to do endlessly boring and repetitive tasks, or to work with the boss who has limited self-awareness and leadership skills. You might be in a work environment which is psychologically an emotionally unhealthy, one which is discriminatory, harassing, and unpleasant.

I grew up on a farm so I am not particularly concerned about snakes but many people have deep fears about these creatures. Consider your own list of personal fears. Sometimes they are social fears like attending a party when you don’t feel confident or appearing dumb or uninformed. Body shape and being overweight can destroy people’s self-esteem and cause social stress.

Being a family can be a stressful event. If you are a parent, saving up to college, paying your kids dental bills, determining when they should be able to date, unwanted pregnancies - the list goes on. You might be worried about your own relationships and this causes you constant stress. Families do create stress but they also provide stress relief.

Our job is to work out what causes stress for each of us. In therapy, I propose a model called BE CALM. I use this model to help people develop a stress relief and stress management strategy. B is for build, E for examine, C for confront, A for accept, L for let go (forgive, forget), and M for Move on with your life. We can’t let stress manager our lives; we need to learn good stress relief tips and strategies.